Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
