Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Randomize
