My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
