one two three fourrrrnication!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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