go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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