Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
