Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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