I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
