Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
