One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
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Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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