I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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