he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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