Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
