Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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