i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
