Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
