he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
