You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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