Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
