I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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