and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
