How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize