i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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