I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
