tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize