Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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