i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
