im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You were trust falling into bushes
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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