Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
did i just pee glitter
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
