I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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