Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
