ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
