I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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