just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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