my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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