I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
