remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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