dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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