woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize