im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
