I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
