i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
