Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
