Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
