I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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