First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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