just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
