WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
