btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Rumble strips road head = magical
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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