Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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