im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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