All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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