I just made out with a guy for $7.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
