No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
