I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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