you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
