tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
