he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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