I will die if light touches me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
