Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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