the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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