Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
third nipple confirmed
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
