Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
