It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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