My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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