it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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