I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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