I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
why do cheetos always look like penises
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
