you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
