We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize