Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We were destined to go to rehab together
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
