FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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