:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
