just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize