I could make wine with my vomit
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
