he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
