i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
