it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
