Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
