I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
