ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
