Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize