look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
