Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize