I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
