No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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