I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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