You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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