When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
