1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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