im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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