what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
