If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
