if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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