yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
