i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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