rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
