The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
