she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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