it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
