Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize