dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
